Sharks, Lions, and Bunnies, Oh My!
Flash fiction, 800 words. For IAM's Feb. 21 prompt. I wrote this when I was hungry.
“Sharks.”
“Yes, they were like sharks. They were …”
“Sharks? Sharks in space? Space sharks?”
“They weren’t actual sharks, they were missiles. But they were like …”
“Jared, I’m trying to help you here. You say you want to dictate your memoir and I’m sitting here … I’m typin’. Aren’t I typin’?”
“You’re fast, Rick. You got hands like a family of cockroaches.”
“I’m gonna take that as a compliment, Jared. But Jared, people aren’t gonna believe a bunch of space sharks. You’ve got to stick with the stuff they can understand. The visceral stuff.”
“Okay. They stunk. They stunk like beached whales. They hit the sand and they exploded like ‘em, too.”
“Yeah, yeah, that I get. I saw one, when I was a kid. A beached whale. It blew up and all the women screamed. A man fainted. Wasn’t me – a different man.”
“You ever seen a woodpecker go after a suet feeder, Rick? Or a dead log?”
“Yeah, I seen it.”
“That’s what it’s like. We’re bugs and we’re covered in peanut butter and fat because the suits were made from a biodegradable polymer that had to be the most trackable thing for Shark Missiles in the galaxy because they never failed to hit a guy. Just … there it was, precision. A big peck. Like you was covered in peanut butter. Peck! Eaten. Peck! Eaten. Peck! … you get it. I like woodpeckers, though, Rick. Don’t put down in your notes that I think they’re bad or nothin’.”
“I didn’t think you did, Jared. I think you got a lot of respect for ‘em.”
“Okay, maybe they were like tigers. It’s a nice day, and you and your friends are out having a nice time just marchin’, and all the sudden, wham! Outta the grass!”
“Tigers, they’re like sharks, Jared. People don’t know.”
“People in India and Africa know about tigers, Rick. They gotta deal with ‘em.”
“No, it’s lions in Africa, Jared. Lions. With the manes and …”
“Are you gonna tell the story or are you gonna type, Rick? That’s what I want to know.”
“I’m typin’! You think I’m not? When did I stop?”
“Anyways, most of us, we were like bunnies, hoppin’ and fleein’ and whatnot. But some of us, we were hares … you know the difference between a hare and a bunny, Rick?”
“’Course. We only got hares out here, because out here, everything’s gotta fight back.”
“Well, there too. Bunnies get eaten, hares get away. Except for that story, you ever hear that story, Rick?”
“I hear a lot of stories, Jared. Most of ‘em pointless, most of ‘em yours.”
“Hey, you’re the one who said he wanted to write ‘em down. Anyway, in this story, this knight, right? This knight. He hears there’s a den of lions. Decides to deal with it. Goes there, sees a bunch of lions. There’s a bunny with ‘em. The chief lion, he says, ‘Tell you what. You pick any one of us. You defeat him, we go away, you win. Anyone here, go ahead, choose.’ The knight, he picks a big ol’ lion. It’s a tough fight, the knight gets in dire straits. But he beats him. The lions roar, but a deal’s a deal. The chief lion says, on the way out, ‘We thought you’d pick the bunny, for sure. You look at him, you could beat him easy, right?’ And the knight, he says, ‘Sure, sure, that’s the way it looks. But you gotta ask yourself – that bunny, what did he have to do to get in tight with all these lions?’”
“That’s a great story, Jared. What’s your point?”
“My point is, none of the lions want to answer, and the bunny ain’t talkin’. That’s what I mean, Rick. I know you want to write it all down because I got a medal and they give me free drinks in town, but I’m a bunny, Rick. I’m a hoppin’ creature by nature, and I don’t want to talk about what I did to get in with the lions.”
“Alright, Jared, alright. I get it. We’ll stick with the sharks. What the sharks did.”
“The sharks, they were just missiles, Rick. It’s the aliens that did things. But know what? Here’s my other point, about sharks and lions and bunnies and men and aliens and woodpeckers. You gotta know before you write anything else.”
“What’s that, Jared?”
“Rick, you gotta understand. It’s a big universe. We’re not the only ones who gotta eat.”